Advanced Skeleton-ing

why did i write this

Welcome to Richard's Half-Price Necropolis

All the Skeleton, Half the... uh. 

hooray...

 Here at Richard's, we milk bad jokes for all they're worth have everything for your skeleton-based needs!

Think skeletons are just too stupid on their own? We sell Psionic Skeletons - 100% organic Illithid brain-paste stuck to the inside of the skull for maximum effectiveness! Make your enemies marvel at the inefficiency of raising a brainless form only to put another brain in it!

The main advantage of skeletons is the cargo space! Beehive Skeletons make the most of it by wedging angry bees into the ribcage, for excellent area denial!

All this sounding too natural? Move up the tech-tree a bit to whatever-punk with Flamethrower Skeletons! Use up all that empty space with volatile fuel tanks! Even in death they burn with anger! (and also fire).

Don't want fire around your houseplants? Try Electric Skeletons - wires connected to the arms and legs make each attack shockingly powerful!

HARNESS THE POWER

make it stop

That was amazingly bad. As penance, have some stats for the utter nonsense I've created.

Exceptionally Average Skeleton
HD: 1
AC: 10

Attacks
Whack: 1d6 damage
Arm Throw: 1d4 damage + Grapple

Psionic Skeleton
HD: 1
AC: 10

Telekinetic Field: Arrows are at -2 to hit. Missed arrows are redirected at the Psionic Skeleton's enemies.

Attacks
Whack: 1d6 damage
Telekinetic Shove: A human-sized target within 50' is thrown backwards 30', taking 1d4 damage per 10' traveled. Throwing a creature at another target requires the Psionic Skeleton to make a successful attack roll against the target of the throw. If the roll is successful, both characters take 1d6 damage per 10' of travel. 1/day


Beehive Skeleton 
HD: 1
AC: 10

Eyes of the Swarm: The Beehive Skeleton sees through the eyes of its bees. 

Attacks
Whack: 1d6 damage
BEES: Bees swarm around your head, blinding you.
The Hive: The Beehive Skeleton tears out its beehive and throws it up to 30'. A 10' radius around the hive is filled with enraged bees, blinding and dealing 1d4 damage per turn to everyone inside the radius. They relax after 1d6 turns.

Flamethrower Skeleton
HD: 1
AC: 12

Volatile: If critically hit, the Flamethrower Skeleton explodes (as Fireball).

Attacks
Whack: 1d6 damage
Flamethrower: As Burning Hands

Electric Skeleton
HD: 1
AC: 13

Conduction: Melee attacks against the Electric Skeleton conduct electricity into the attacker, dealing 1d4 damage.

Attacks  
Electric Whack: 1d8 damage, CON save or stun
Whip: 1d4 damage, CON save or stun, ranged