Elves Rusted Your Sword, Made You Age, and Die Every Day

What Are Elves?

They are immortal, strange creatures, far older than Man and his ilk. They live far from the cities and roads, hidden in forests and other unmarred parts of nature. According to folk tales, they fear the touch of iron, delight in trickery, and hold mastery of illusions.

But this is the wrong question.

don't you just want to punch him in the face

Why are Elves?

That's much closer.

The properties of Elves lead many to say that they are spirits of nature, enraged at Man thanks to his callous and destructive ways. Others say they are simply an old race, more knowledgeable than Man, but the same in their core.

All of these people are wrong.

Elves are pure, elemental chaos, and that is what drives their actions.

Why are elves immortal? It is because life drives more chaos than the cold stillness of death, so they have chosen not to die. Despite this, they can be seen to age, as aging causes more change than not. As the sun rises, all the world's elves are newly born. When it sets, they are ancient.

They do not hate iron because of its smell, its taste, or its appearance. They hate it because it is a symbol of that most abominable thing - civilization, and the order that comes with it. Thus, they have laid a curse upon all metals - once they are touched by human hands, they begin to tarnish and rot. This curse was laid on all metals but gold, as all gold is owned by dwarves, those bastions of perfect order. They can bring this curse to bear against anything they deem opposed to them, crumbling stone, curling trees, and rotting flesh.

But this is not the only curse they have brought. There is another, far more subtle magic woven through everything and everyone you've ever seen. This curse is reproduction. Elves are why you have children - it leads to more mutations and alterations than replication. In a time long ago, they tricked all life into using this method, except for bacteria. As revenge, the elves shrank the bacteria and hid them, so no one could follow their example.

Elves hope to return the universe to its original, perfect state - a pile of atoms flying around a tiny box at incomprehensible speed. They know this goal would require them to die. 

They do not care.